Reclaiming Christmas

"Make the most of it”, we’re told, “they won’t be little forever”.

Now, we hear those words all year long, but they seem to carry even more weight during the holiday season, don’t they? It’s not just that our children will suddenly be much older ‘before we know it’, but the real magic of Christmas, which they say we only get a limited amount of whilst they ‘still believe’, will be gone then too.

And it’s true that one day in the not-so-distant future, there won’t be handwritten letters to Santa or (love it or hate it) elf shenanigans to wake up to each morning. There won’t be Christmas artwork on the fridge or nativity plays to see either. The festive days out and Christmas lights will remain but maybe even they will lose their sparkle when they aren't seen through the lens of your children’s eyes and in the context of their littleness.

And so we fear the worst, which would be waking up one day and realising that not only will we never ever get the chance to relive Christmas whilst our children are little again, but maybe we should’ve done more to make the most of it.

This make the most of it narrative alongside all of the evidence we see on social media of other parents seemingly doing exactly that, only intensifies the pressure that parents of small children feel to get this season ‘right’.

That means we end up wondering whether we’re actually doing enough to make the most of this time. And that we can end up chasing ideals and a totally romanticised version of Christmas. One that’s filled with matching outfits, magical family outings and wholesome festive experiences* – the kind that make picture perfect Christmas memories. All whilst we attempt to execute a set of military-level plans designed to make the most of the holiday season with small children.

*I don’t know about you, but whenever I’ve attempted these Christmas experiences, it's never gone how I envisioned it would. It was less magical and more meltdown-inducing - a far cry from the romantic, insta-esque vision I had in my mind. Queue feeling like I was getting it ‘wrong’ and failing to have the Christmas I should be having as a mother of small children.

The pressure to make the most of it whilst also creating magical memories for your children, the mental load, the overstimulation, the need to get it ‘right’ by doing Christmas in the way we feel we should and the feeling of disappointment or guilt when we feel like we aren’t – it's A LOT.

And here’s the truth – the only real right way to do Christmas is in your own way. Because truly making the most of it comes through doing the things you and your family actually want to do – not the things you feel you should.

As a mother of 3 small children (all under 6 years old) and as someone who helps mothers find their own way in this part of their lives (pregnancy and beyond), I thought I’d share some of the ways that you can confidently reclaim Christmas as your own and by doing so, create more room for joy.

So, take a deep breath, relax the space in between your eyebrows, let your shoulders go and then...

Spend some time as future you - imagine that you are a few years into the future and your children aren’t so little anymore. When you look back on this time from that higher perspective – what do you want to remember? What do you want to feel? Use this reflection to identify the things that truly bring you and your family joy at this time of year and then give yourself permission to let the rest of it go.

Bring the “good enoughness” to Christmas –  in the same way that we do throughout the rest of the year, embrace the fact that even during the holiday season, not every day will be magical. Because that’s not real life. And that’s ok. Now, this doesn’t mean accepting a substandard Christmas. It means accepting that not every day will look or feel the same. It's about creating space for all of the experiences and all of the feelings – from excitement to disappointment.  A “good enough” Christmas is one where there is flexibility, breathing space and more room for joy.

Turn the volume up on that joy by anchoring it to the senses - paying attention to the smells, sounds, and tastes of this season is a powerful way to bring your awareness back to the present moment by activating the brain’s here-and-now systems. That not only helps us slow down and feel calm, but gets us to really savour the small joys as we actively tune in to the richness of our experiences. Anchoring your experiences to your senses like that will also make your memories of them more salient and accessible to you in the future.

Look for ways to create more space in the festivities – despite what many people think, having more plans doesn't necessarily help us make the most of the passing time. In fact, filling your calendar with plans and festivities will make time appear to go even faster. Yes, time will pass. Maybe more quickly than we’d all like it to. But it will go even faster when you are busy. Creating space and slowing down, on the other hand, allows us to experience time differently. When we create space in our days we slow our perception of time, which helps to create richer, more lasting memories. In other words, by doing less, you might actually experience more.